Transition

So here I sit in transition, woah….!! This is a strange place, I have found a lot in here, my anxiety has been huge, off the scale, suddenly everything around me that felt familiar has gone, I chose to leave it behind as I knew this was the right time for me to move on, and yet I am not sure that I was quite prepared for what was to come. It is like I have lost my connection, I fly untethered, there is an excitement in the freedom yet then anxiety takes over. I try hard to understand myself in this space yet realise that this intention is creating more anxiety, this trying to make sense of is causing distress and raising pressure to achieve, to perfect and be good at. What a strange space this is, and then my mind is drawn to what transition may be like for our children, how huge and scary, moving from the familiar to the unknown…. I may be spending some time here to give space to acknowledge the enormity… I notice too how loss and transition exist here together, I am wondering if one can be without the other, with loss comes change and thus the transition to a different world, a new 'normal'. I think here about those whose loss is sudden and unexpected and how much harder that must be, and those felt ripples living inside for ever, those scars of the moment of loss becoming part of the self. I chose this move, this is different and yet the ripples are felt and the wound of loss and change will stay. So does all change find a physical presence inside us, I sit here with a lifes experiences, have they all made some sort of mark, had some impact, is my make up not the cumulation of all my parts, all my moments of being....